Your life may seem great to others. You have a loving partner, great kids, a good home, enough money – (for now). So why is there this little bugging voice that tells us that there must be a bit more to life? Yes, you love your kids, want to be a good parent, but you still want to have a life. You may even have feelings of guilt for even having these thoughts.

Lets start to look at how you can be a great parent and still work towards your goals and desires in life.

It’s normal to feel this way.

Just want to start by saying that these thoughts are normal. Being a parent means that you have to be there so support your family, you are there for everyone, you have conflicting demands on your time. But this means that sometimes some things have to be put aside. And normally the things put aside are what you really want to do but either don’t have the time, money, energy or even just the headspace to think about those things. So you just leave them and carry on with your current life. 

Well, I’m here to say you can have those things that you wanted to do. They may have to look a little different from how you originally imagined, or it might take longer to get there. But you can find ways to work towards those goals or desires and still be a great parent.

Step 1: Self care

First thing you need to incorporate into your life is self-care. This is important, because you need time to be yourself and just be, and then be able to reflect. You need to feel better in yourself to have the energy and time to give to all the things you are already doing, before doing more. You can do this and still be a great parent and have a life. However, this won’t happen if you are continuously frazzled or at your last nerve. And if you really feel this isn’t possible, then the next point is essential.

Step 2. Get support

You need to put systems in place to help ease the pressure. Society has programmed us to think that we can do it ALL, especially if you are female. However, this is not realistic. We all need other people sometimes, and in fact we all probably need other people on a regular basis. So think about what support you need to put in place. Have you got someone to have a chat with? Do you have someone to help take care of the kids? Who is there to bounce ideas of? Or to go on that trip with you? Whatever it is that is needed to ease your current needs and give you more brain space should be considered. I believe these things are priority.

Step 3. Socialise

 If you are a parent of small children, make time for adult relationships (including your spouse). We can get wrapped up in our little worlds, but being with others helps springboard you into other ideas. This helps you to remember to enjoy life as it is about you, as much as about everyone else. And then gives you more scope to be yourself as a parent whilst having a life.

Step 4. Make time to reflect

Having this time gives you some headspace for yourself. You should feel more relaxed and feel people are supporting you. Then you can start to become clear about what it is that you really want to do that has been bugging you. What will make you feel that your life is more complete? Focus on this thing and then start to feel how things might be different if you were actually doing this. The more you can think about the prospect of things being different, the more likely it can become a reality.

Step 5. What to do next?

Once you have thought about what you would really like to do, start to focus on what you would need to do to bring this to a reality. It would probably mean that you may need to compromise on something, so think about what that is. You may have to ask for assistance, this may mean paying someone to help. Whatever the need is,  think about whether it would be worth it for the outcome of doing the thing that you really want to do. Come to terms to the fact that there will probably be sacrifices as realistically, you can not do it all.

So don’t ignore that little voice inside you that says you want more. Something that’s just for you. Find the time for yourself, for your own wellbeing, but also to reflect on exactly what this will look like. And then start to build the systems in place to support you. Whatever you will need to help you to start to make things happen. People can help in different ways, they might even want to join you (if you want them to!). Lastly, try to be realistic about the things that you might need to reduce so you can do more of what you really want. Making the time and space for your dream and acting on it will build your confidence and sense of fulfilment in life. This is how to continue to be a great parent and have a life.